Dancing Through Anxiety

Although it has become quite obvious to me that I have been struggling with anxiety my whole life, I always say that my current journey started from not knowing how to grieve. Who knows if this is true or not but as someone who likes to have answers it was easier for me to have something to blame. It's hard because as a perfectionist I imagine there to be some sore of guideline for everything in life including grieving, but as we all know that's not a thing. Everyone grieves differently, everyone handles loss differently, and even if you have a grip on it somehow it manages to still sneak up on you at the most random of times.  Grief is something I've obviously struggled with over the last couple of years. It has seemed to consume me but never decrease at all. I'm someone who needs to talk and cry through my feelings but I tend to feel like that's not allowed so instead I just sit there and focus on how sad I am and find myself going through the motions of life

I just want to start off by apologizing for my lack of new posts in the last couple of weeks. I've been feeling a tad bit lost (more so than normal) but just haven't been able to figure out why. I didn't know how to write about it so I just didn't (so sorry!). However, now I feel like I've gotten a little bit of an understanding on why I've been feeling the way I've been feeling and am ready to share it with you all.  For the most part, after my start of the year slump I've been doing great. I began really healing from my grief instead of being stuck in the processing stage. I've been able to bounce back from my low dips faster than ever and I've felt an underlying feeling of hope. Not all days I feel hopeful, probably not even most days, but it is there underneath my emotions which is so nice to feel. As I keep progressing, though, I've found myself irritated, on edge, and above all scared. I can't help but get frustrated over this bec