Dancing Through Anxiety

I have a mental illness. I am not defined by my mental illness but I definitely have one. If you've read any of my other blog posts you're probably thinking something along the lines of "are you really just figuring this out?". Obviously I know that anxiety, panic disorder, and depression are forms of mental illness. I even address them as my illnesses. The thing is I've never felt mentally ill until recently. When I was sick last week my defenses were down so of course my negative thoughts and inner critic were in full swing. This wasn't a new feeling for me but what was a new feeling is that I felt mentally ill. For the first time I could look at myself and think something isn't right in my mind right now. My therapist helped explain it to me so hopefully what she said will help me make more sense to you all. Previous times when I've been depressed or especially anxious I was so wrapped up in those feelings that they felt completely normal

So this past week, well starting Wednesday, I found myself sick once again or still. Honestly I don't even know anymore, all I know is that I was weak, felt bad, and spent most of my days sleeping. When I get sick my anxiety tends to come out to play and it usually likes to bring it's friend depression. I will sit there and throw myself a pity party about why am I sick again? Why can't I just have one thing go my way? Blah, blah, blah. I'm not the funnest person to be around, but at the same time I'm realizing that this is a time to re-set my motivation for when I am healthy again to help prove to myself that I am stronger than I think. I keep a quote journal for when times get tough that I can read through and have little reminders that where I'm at is temporary and I can get through this. When I'm in a really bad place I'll even have someone else read the quotes to me because I tend to not believe anything I tell myself and it has actually been really