I'm Stuck

Wow it has been a long time since I've written a post and I have really missed it these past couple of weeks! I have so much to share with you all especially about how I survived Miss California week but I'm just not ready. I would be lying if I said I wasn't struggling right now and I told you I would share the good and the bad with you so here's a glimpse into the bad.

I feel pretty stuck right now. I'm struggling to see my worth. I'm struggling to convince myself I'm not pointless. I'm struggling to believe this is something I'll really learn to live with. I'm struggling to understand how I will ever manage to live the life I want to live. I'm struggling to see how I will ever again be the independent strong person I used to be. Im struggling to see how I will ever be a role model. I'm struggling to see how I'm not just wasting my life away and everyone else's time that has to deal with me. I feel it's important to note that I am not suicidal but I'm still struggling. Depression is real. I know depression lies but I don't know how to convince myself of that when every piece of my brain is pointing to the negative. Every one of my thoughts lead to the bad. I'm just stuck. There's a part of me that knows I will get through this but that part is small right now and I'm struggling to increase its size. I'm also struggling to think of a different word for struggle but whatever this isn't a school paper. 


I don't want to need help but I think I need some help. Not professional help because I have my therapist and my doctor and my medicine so I got that stuff covered. Some help from the people in my life whether we're strangers or best friends. I think I could use a little extra love, encouragement, advice, cute cat pictures, whatever you feel like sending my way right now. I really hate having to ask this, I hate not being okay on my own, but like I said I'm stuck. I promise to return the favor whenever you need it.  

Until next time 💜

Comments

  1. Lori RiceJuly 9, 2017 at 7:59 PM

    Christy, your posts make me think like you are reading my mind sometimes. We went to New York for Tony's grandma's funeral, and I realized how much I need support even to do normal things. This morning I was proud of myself for being able to post something positive about myself. I haven't been able to do that in a long time and I was shaking the whole time. You matter to me. Your blog makes a difference in my life. Just like you, I wonder When I will get the real me back. I think that may be the key… Thinking when I will get myself back rather van, if I will get myself back.

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    Replies
    1. Christy GentaJuly 10, 2017 at 2:02 PM

      Thank you Lori! I'm proud of you for realizing it's okay to need support. It's something I struggle with a lot. I'm also happy you were able to have a positive moment, even the smallest things can turn into the biggest accomplishments and are something we should be proud of ❤️

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