Dancing Through Anxiety

Although it has become quite obvious to me that I have been struggling with anxiety my whole life, I always say that my current journey started from not knowing how to grieve. Who knows if this is true or not but as someone who likes to have answers it was easier for me to have something to blame. It's hard because as a perfectionist I imagine there to be some sore of guideline for everything in life including grieving, but as we all know that's not a thing. Everyone grieves differently, everyone handles loss differently, and even if you have a grip on it somehow it manages to still sneak up on you at the most random of times.  Grief is something I've obviously struggled with over the last couple of years. It has seemed to consume me but never decrease at all. I'm someone who needs to talk and cry through my feelings but I tend to feel like that's not allowed so instead I just sit there and focus on how sad I am and find myself going through the motions of life ...

I just want to start off by apologizing for my lack of new posts in the last couple of weeks. I've been feeling a tad bit lost (more so than normal) but just haven't been able to figure out why. I didn't know how to write about it so I just didn't (so sorry!). However, now I feel like I've gotten a little bit of an understanding on why I've been feeling the way I've been feeling and am ready to share it with you all.  For the most part, after my start of the year slump I've been doing great. I began really healing from my grief instead of being stuck in the processing stage. I've been able to bounce back from my low dips faster than ever and I've felt an underlying feeling of hope. Not all days I feel hopeful, probably not even most days, but it is there underneath my emotions which is so nice to feel. As I keep progressing, though, I've found myself irritated, on edge, and above all scared. I can't help but get frustrated over this bec...

Happy 1st anniversary to Dancing Through Anxiety! I  can't believe it but today marks one year since I published my first blog post!!  It's crazy to think that I have been publishing my thoughts for you all to read for an entire year now. When I first thought of starting a blog I thought that I would maybe make a few posts and a few people would read it. I've made 38 posts (not quite one a week but I'll take it) and have had readers from all over the world. I  have found so much help and healing from writing these posts and connecting with other people in similar situations or people wanting to support those in similar situations.  Am I where I thought I would be at this point in time? Absolutely not. Am I learning to be okay with that? Absolutely.  I've finally entered a part in my mental health recovery that I feel like I am finally healing from my grief, I have somewhat of a  grip on my anxiety/depression, and am hopeful and encouraged  tha...

So as you all most likely know by now things haven't been going so well for me. I just recently in about the last week have been starting to feel myself make my way back to where I was before my January and part of February low point. I want to do a post about the healing I've been feeling this January compared with times in the past but I'm not quite ready to write that, so instead I thought I would write a little bit about how I survived my down point. The most important thing I could do was stay busy but since I was feeling depressed I had to find ways to stay busy within the comfort of my home. These activities needed to be simple  enough to do in a depressed state of mind but also entertaining enough to distract me and make me want to do them. I thought I would share some of the hobbies that worked for me with you all.  Reading : I am an avid reader so this is usually my go to activity. It gets me out of the craziness that can be my mind for a while but it doesn...

So January has not gotten any easier for me, thank goodness it's over tomorrow! I know, I know, just the start of a different month. Name isn't going to automatically solve all my problems, but it's a nice addition. I have to apologize really quick to those of you that follow the Instagram for my blog because I haven't been very active on there. I try to keep an uplifting theme on there and here, because even though mental illness is tough I still try to be a positive version of it as much as possible and that hasn't been easy for me this month at all. So I find myself pulling away from everyone instead of talking about it.  Going off of that trying to be positive note I always try to find something beneficial from my anxiety and what's going on in my life (as much as possible when my brain is constantly lying to me). I can even tell you positive things that have come from my panic attacks and what I've learned going forward. This month, however, everyth...

So if you've been following along with my blog or social media you've probably seen that I've been having a hard time lately.  January and also sometimes into February tend to be a hard time for me in general, so although this wasn't completely unexpected, it still sucks. Between becoming a year older, starting a new year, birthday anniversaries of loved ones I've lost along with their death anniversaries, it's been tough for me to not feel sad all the time. I've just felt reminded of how much my life has changed and in some cases how it is not at all where I expected I would be or even where I want to be. Then you add on to that all the grief that comes with remembering loved ones who are no longer with me and the struggle becomes even worse. Grief is such a difficult concept for me because there is not a right and wrong way to grieve. As a business major, perfectionist, and gold personality, I strive in environments that have guidelines and right wa...

So unfortunately for about the past week or so I have found myself in a not so great place. Depression, anxiety, panic -they've all come to visit in full force. It's the worst it's been in a while and even though I have an idea of why they are coming out to play, it still doesn't make it any easier. In fact, it actually makes it harder for me. I tend to be a perfectionist in life, so I always want answers. I've been learning through this journey that having answers to why something is happening doesn't always help. I thought that once I knew what my triggers were I would be able to control my mental health from getting too out of control, I mean, when you know you have a broken arm you get a cast and rehab it and everything works out. This isn't the same though and that frustrates me so much. I know why I'm in a low point and I know my tricks that usually help me get through it, but it's still winning. I can see the problem but I can't fully fig...