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What Is This Feeling?

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For about the past year or so my life has been consumed by my anxiety. I'm not just talking about how I often felt anxious and experienced panic attacks, but even when I was calm I still had anxiety on the brain. My thoughts often included things like: Will this situation make me anxious? How can I prepare for possible anxiety? What's triggering this anxious reaction? What can I do during a panic attack to minimize it? What can I do daily to help keep my anxiety low? What's my exit plan? Can I handle this certain situation right now? Do I have my Xanax in case all my preparations fail? I could go on and on with the types of thoughts I often had and still have but we would be here forever. The main takeaway is that all I was thinking about was my anxiety. I think these thoughts were extremely important for me to have at the time, and to still have from time to time, because they have helped me to better understand myself, my anxiety, and how to live with it. With that b...
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What Makes You Happy?

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The other day I was talking to my therapist and she asked me something along the lines of what makes you happy? Later in the day, I was still thinking about this and thought maybe it would be a good topic to write about some day. That night, I started watching Crazy Ex-Girlfriend and in the first episode the main character changes her life after seeing an ad for butter that asks what makes you happy. After watching this, I knew it was a sign that this was a topic I needed to write about. So here we go. It's such a simple question, but at the same time it's such a difficult one to answer. As I think about it, I can think of many things that make me happy: reading, writing, hanging out with my family, friends and cat, cross-stitching, among other things. Then I started thinking, is this really what this question is asking? I mean all those things do make me happy, but it's an in-the-moment happiness that goes away when I finish the activity. Not that these things aren...
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An Inside Look

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I feel like when I write my posts I tend to take on a positive tone even when I'm talking about my times of depression. I wanted to do something a little different and show you all what my thoughts are like when I'm really struggling. I don't want your pity or anything, I just want to show you how it is for me on my bad days. How depression is real, and how my thoughts turn negative when it's a rough day. I found some entries I wrote in my journal from some really bad days I have had and thought I would share them. I wanted to give an example of the true thoughts that run through my mind during the bad days to show you what people with a mental illness have to overcome on a daily basis. Just a disclaimer, this is really vulnerable and completely out of my comfort zone. I have an easy time sharing my progress and my good days or even reflecting back on my bad days but this is different. This is an inside look into exactly what my brain was going through during a de...
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