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What Is This Feeling?

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For about the past year or so my life has been consumed by my anxiety. I'm not just talking about how I often felt anxious and experienced panic attacks, but even when I was calm I still had anxiety on the brain. My thoughts often included things like: Will this situation make me anxious? How can I prepare for possible anxiety? What's triggering this anxious reaction? What can I do during a panic attack to minimize it? What can I do daily to help keep my anxiety low? What's my exit plan? Can I handle this certain situation right now? Do I have my Xanax in case all my preparations fail? I could go on and on with the types of thoughts I often had and still have but we would be here forever. The main takeaway is that all I was thinking about was my anxiety. I think these thoughts were extremely important for me to have at the time, and to still have from time to time, because they have helped me to better understand myself, my anxiety, and how to live with it. With that b...
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Fed Up

So January has not gotten any easier for me, thank goodness it's over tomorrow! I know, I know, just the start of a different month. Name isn't going to automatically solve all my problems, but it's a nice addition. I have to apologize really quick to those of you that follow the Instagram for my blog because I haven't been very active on there. I try to keep an uplifting theme on there and here, because even though mental illness is tough I still try to be a positive version of it as much as possible and that hasn't been easy for me this month at all. So I find myself pulling away from everyone instead of talking about it.  Going off of that trying to be positive note I always try to find something beneficial from my anxiety and what's going on in my life (as much as possible when my brain is constantly lying to me). I can even tell you positive things that have come from my panic attacks and what I've learned going forward. This month, however, everyth...
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An Inside Look

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I feel like when I write my posts I tend to take on a positive tone even when I'm talking about my times of depression. I wanted to do something a little different and show you all what my thoughts are like when I'm really struggling. I don't want your pity or anything, I just want to show you how it is for me on my bad days. How depression is real, and how my thoughts turn negative when it's a rough day. I found some entries I wrote in my journal from some really bad days I have had and thought I would share them. I wanted to give an example of the true thoughts that run through my mind during the bad days to show you what people with a mental illness have to overcome on a daily basis. Just a disclaimer, this is really vulnerable and completely out of my comfort zone. I have an easy time sharing my progress and my good days or even reflecting back on my bad days but this is different. This is an inside look into exactly what my brain was going through during a de...
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