Dancing Through Anxiety

So January has not gotten any easier for me, thank goodness it's over tomorrow! I know, I know, just the start of a different month. Name isn't going to automatically solve all my problems, but it's a nice addition. I have to apologize really quick to those of you that follow the Instagram for my blog because I haven't been very active on there. I try to keep an uplifting theme on there and here, because even though mental illness is tough I still try to be a positive version of it as much as possible and that hasn't been easy for me this month at all. So I find myself pulling away from everyone instead of talking about it.  Going off of that trying to be positive note I always try to find something beneficial from my anxiety and what's going on in my life (as much as possible when my brain is constantly lying to me). I can even tell you positive things that have come from my panic attacks and what I've learned going forward. This month, however, everyth...

So if you've been following along with my blog or social media you've probably seen that I've been having a hard time lately.  January and also sometimes into February tend to be a hard time for me in general, so although this wasn't completely unexpected, it still sucks. Between becoming a year older, starting a new year, birthday anniversaries of loved ones I've lost along with their death anniversaries, it's been tough for me to not feel sad all the time. I've just felt reminded of how much my life has changed and in some cases how it is not at all where I expected I would be or even where I want to be. Then you add on to that all the grief that comes with remembering loved ones who are no longer with me and the struggle becomes even worse. Grief is such a difficult concept for me because there is not a right and wrong way to grieve. As a business major, perfectionist, and gold personality, I strive in environments that have guidelines and right wa...

So unfortunately for about the past week or so I have found myself in a not so great place. Depression, anxiety, panic -they've all come to visit in full force. It's the worst it's been in a while and even though I have an idea of why they are coming out to play, it still doesn't make it any easier. In fact, it actually makes it harder for me. I tend to be a perfectionist in life, so I always want answers. I've been learning through this journey that having answers to why something is happening doesn't always help. I thought that once I knew what my triggers were I would be able to control my mental health from getting too out of control, I mean, when you know you have a broken arm you get a cast and rehab it and everything works out. This isn't the same though and that frustrates me so much. I know why I'm in a low point and I know my tricks that usually help me get through it, but it's still winning. I can see the problem but I can't fully fig...

Happy New Year friends! I don't know about you but I can't believe it's already a new year, how did this happen?! I hope you all enjoyed this holiday season and got to create some new wonderful memories. The new year and also just the month of January in general tends to cause me to fall into a post-holiday depression. I feel overwhelmed with the pressure to create goals and start new, but at the same time I enjoy the ability to hit refresh and try to find new motivation. Every new year I tend to set a bunch of unrealistic and very specific goals for myself and then forget about them after a few weeks because they weren't possible to reach. Then I end up getting upset and feeling like a failure for not meeting them, but in reality I almost set myself up for failure without realizing I was doing it. Lately I've been trying to be more patient with myself, especially while currently feeling a bit down right now, so I decided to approach this new year a littl...

With 12 days left until Christmas it's officially crunch time. If you have someone in your life who didn't make a present wish list you may be struggling to think of something they would like. I decided to make a holiday gift guide comprising of gifts I think someone who is fighting a mental illness may enjoy (or anyone else honestly). I know that finding the perfect gift for someone is my favorite part of the holiday season so, hopefully these ideas can inspire you and help check names off of your list! Books - Sometimes the best thing to do on a tough day is curl up with a good book and escape reality for a little bit. For anyone in your life who is struggling I highly recommend a book by Jenny Lawson. If you're just looking for a good book in general I would check out Kate Morton's books or A Southern Haunting Book Series. You can find book one  here  on Amazon.  Adult Coloring Books - These are honestly so stress relieving. It may seem silly at first sitti...

Wow I don't know about for you but for me it feels like FOREVER since I have posted on my blog! I super apologize! I was on vacation the week of Thanksgiving enjoying time with family and then after I came back I took a bit of a mental vacation to help ensure that I wouldn't fall into a post-vacation depression. So much has been going on these past couple weeks and still is, especially with Christmas coming up. I've had good days and bad days and everything in between but I feel like I'm overall in a pretty good place and have been making continuous forward progress. That's what I wanted to share today: two big things that have happened to me over this time that have really helped me understand just how far I have come and that my hard work is worth it. I have been working on both of these things since I started therapy a year and a half ago. You read that right, a YEAR AND A HALF ago and I'm just starting to fully understand and see those concepts come to li...

From the very beginning of my official diagnosis of anxiety, along with my other issues, I've always said the hardest thing is knowing that I'm the problem and the solution, but not knowing how to fix it. It's such a defeating feeling knowing that everything you need to overcome an issue lies within you, but still not being able to get better. Why am I stopping myself from being okay? Why am I self-sabotaging and telling myself I can't do something that I know I can? Obviously, over time I've learned that I'm not consciously telling myself to not be okay, but that's what my brain tells me. I have this image in my mind that it should be as easy as snapping my fingers to find the solution to my anxiety. I know I know, you can laugh with me on that one, because I know there is not a solution to my anxiety, it's more learning how to live with my anxiety and dance with it, creating a relationship. During my therapy session on Monday, we realized that I...