Dancing Through Anxiety

So unfortunately for about the past week or so I have found myself in a not so great place. Depression, anxiety, panic -they've all come to visit in full force. It's the worst it's been in a while and even though I have an idea of why they are coming out to play, it still doesn't make it any easier. In fact, it actually makes it harder for me. I tend to be a perfectionist in life, so I always want answers. I've been learning through this journey that having answers to why something is happening doesn't always help. I thought that once I knew what my triggers were I would be able to control my mental health from getting too out of control, I mean, when you know you have a broken arm you get a cast and rehab it and everything works out. This isn't the same though and that frustrates me so much. I know why I'm in a low point and I know my tricks that usually help me get through it, but it's still winning. I can see the problem but I can't fully fig...

Happy New Year friends! I don't know about you but I can't believe it's already a new year, how did this happen?! I hope you all enjoyed this holiday season and got to create some new wonderful memories. The new year and also just the month of January in general tends to cause me to fall into a post-holiday depression. I feel overwhelmed with the pressure to create goals and start new, but at the same time I enjoy the ability to hit refresh and try to find new motivation. Every new year I tend to set a bunch of unrealistic and very specific goals for myself and then forget about them after a few weeks because they weren't possible to reach. Then I end up getting upset and feeling like a failure for not meeting them, but in reality I almost set myself up for failure without realizing I was doing it. Lately I've been trying to be more patient with myself, especially while currently feeling a bit down right now, so I decided to approach this new year a littl...

With 12 days left until Christmas it's officially crunch time. If you have someone in your life who didn't make a present wish list you may be struggling to think of something they would like. I decided to make a holiday gift guide comprising of gifts I think someone who is fighting a mental illness may enjoy (or anyone else honestly). I know that finding the perfect gift for someone is my favorite part of the holiday season so, hopefully these ideas can inspire you and help check names off of your list! Books - Sometimes the best thing to do on a tough day is curl up with a good book and escape reality for a little bit. For anyone in your life who is struggling I highly recommend a book by Jenny Lawson. If you're just looking for a good book in general I would check out Kate Morton's books or A Southern Haunting Book Series. You can find book one  here  on Amazon.  Adult Coloring Books - These are honestly so stress relieving. It may seem silly at first sitti...

Wow I don't know about for you but for me it feels like FOREVER since I have posted on my blog! I super apologize! I was on vacation the week of Thanksgiving enjoying time with family and then after I came back I took a bit of a mental vacation to help ensure that I wouldn't fall into a post-vacation depression. So much has been going on these past couple weeks and still is, especially with Christmas coming up. I've had good days and bad days and everything in between but I feel like I'm overall in a pretty good place and have been making continuous forward progress. That's what I wanted to share today: two big things that have happened to me over this time that have really helped me understand just how far I have come and that my hard work is worth it. I have been working on both of these things since I started therapy a year and a half ago. You read that right, a YEAR AND A HALF ago and I'm just starting to fully understand and see those concepts come to li...

From the very beginning of my official diagnosis of anxiety, along with my other issues, I've always said the hardest thing is knowing that I'm the problem and the solution, but not knowing how to fix it. It's such a defeating feeling knowing that everything you need to overcome an issue lies within you, but still not being able to get better. Why am I stopping myself from being okay? Why am I self-sabotaging and telling myself I can't do something that I know I can? Obviously, over time I've learned that I'm not consciously telling myself to not be okay, but that's what my brain tells me. I have this image in my mind that it should be as easy as snapping my fingers to find the solution to my anxiety. I know I know, you can laugh with me on that one, because I know there is not a solution to my anxiety, it's more learning how to live with my anxiety and dance with it, creating a relationship. During my therapy session on Monday, we realized that I...

Happy November friends! November officially starts the holiday season in my mind and this is one of my favorite times of year. Between Thanksgiving, Christmas, and my birthday I enjoy getting to spend so much time with my loved ones and creating new memories. November especially is a time to give thanks for our lives and what makes them special. I'll be honest with you though most days it is very hard for me to focus on the positive and not the negative, but like I mentioned in my last post I am trying to focus more on what makes me happy and living in the moment. I think November and the holidays are the perfect time for this and am hoping the holiday spirit will help me be able to find the positive in all aspects of my life. I'm personally going to participate in the 30 days of thankfulness whether it's in my blog, social media, or personally in my journal. I really want to spend this month focusing on what I am grateful for and learning to appreciate even the smallest...

The other day I was talking to my therapist and she asked me something along the lines of what makes you happy? Later in the day, I was still thinking about this and thought maybe it would be a good topic to write about some day. That night, I started watching Crazy Ex-Girlfriend and in the first episode the main character changes her life after seeing an ad for butter that asks what makes you happy. After watching this, I knew it was a sign that this was a topic I needed to write about. So here we go. It's such a simple question, but at the same time it's such a difficult one to answer. As I think about it, I can think of many things that make me happy: reading, writing, hanging out with my family, friends and cat, cross-stitching, among other things. Then I started thinking, is this really what this question is asking? I mean all those things do make me happy, but it's an in-the-moment happiness that goes away when I finish the activity. Not that these things aren...