Dancing Through Anxiety

Happy Memorial Day weekend everyone! I'm feeling especially thankful today and wanted to share that feeling with you all. This post is an open thank you letter to everyone I have come across in life whether it be now or in the future, I just wanted to remind you all how grateful I am for your support. I wanted to start by piggy backing off of my last post and take a moment to thank the immediate people in my life. Thank you for always being understanding if I have to cancel. Thank you for still inviting me the next time even if I cancelled the previous time. Thanks for never giving up on me and supporting me while I'm more sensitive. Thank you for not judging me when I need to stay home because I'm not up for something. Thank you for always checking up on me. Thank you for still being there for me at this time that I can't always be there for you in the way I would like. Most importantly, thank you for treating me the same and allowing me the comfort of knowing...

Over the past year I have come to strongly dislike the word want. The hardest thing for me is when people ask me if I want to do something because almost 100% of the time the answer is yes. The problem is that my body doesn't always agree. Do I want to go out to a nice dinner? Absolutely. Do I think I can? I'll let you know. What makes it worse is that I'll be having a really good day so I'll make plans thinking that I'll still be okay in let's say three days, but then that day comes and I just can't do it. Then I have to cancel, which I hate, and somehow explain that it's not that I don't want to I just can't make it work physically and mentally. In learning how to trust myself more and listen to what my body is telling me this concept of being able to do something has taken a new turn. Now, sometimes I assess a situation and can tell that it will not have a positive result for me even if it's something I really want to do. This al...

If we have ever had a conversation in person you have probably heard me talk about my sleeping hours, most likely saying something along the line of "I just want to sleep normal human hours". Unfortunately my relationship with sleep is nothing close to normal.  When trying to describe my problem sleeping to people I often drift towards the word insomnia but that honestly isn't the case. I can sleep, I could be a professional sleeper, that's just not the problem. The problem is the hours I spend sleeping and the quality of my sleep. I normally end up sleeping from about 3 am to 8 or 9 am and then fall back asleep around 10 or 11 am and wake up again anywhere between 1 and 4 pm. I often waste my day sleeping and I hate it. I dread night time when everyone else goes to bed because I know I will be laying there wide awake for hours fighting sleep. Even worse is when I am tired and then the second I lay down in bed I am suddenly wide awake. I also sometimes will r...

I've been doing good lately, like really good. Almost surprising myself with the things that I can do today that I couldn't even manage just a few short months ago. Though while recognizing my new found abilities I also became aware of a new problem and the next step to work on. My independence. I am great at getting through a difficult moment or panic situation when I'm with my parents. I honestly feel like I can conquer just about anything thrown my way with them by my side. The funny thing, though, is even when I'm with them and start to panic the main thing I use them for is a familiar face and to have someone else be aware that I'm having a tough moment. Other than that, the actual conquering of said panic/difficult situation I do by myself. So why can't I do it by myself without them around? The thought of adventuring out on my own even if I'm just going to the grocery store is quite terrifying to me. Who would be there for me if something r...